


Bubbles and ice cream

by greenet



Series: Diamonds and cherries [2]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: F/F, Genderswap, cc bingo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-04-07
Updated: 2012-04-07
Packaged: 2017-11-03 05:25:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 920
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/377771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greenet/pseuds/greenet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All their situations these days are frankly ridiculous, and this is no exception.</p><p>There's some kind of gigantic seamonster in the harbour, breathing bubbles of acid. It doesn't seem hostile, as such, but that doesn't matter so much when you breathe bubbles of acid that burst on impact.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bubbles and ice cream

**Author's Note:**

> 19: Grocery shopping
> 
> Thanks to Cosmic for the grammar check and Tieleen for the entire Thor section, really.

All their situations these days are frankly ridiculous, and this is no exception.

There's some kind of gigantic seamonster in the harbour, breathing bubbles of acid. It doesn't seem hostile, as such, but that doesn't matter so much when you breathe bubbles of acid that burst on impact.

At least Hawkeye is enjoying herself. "Ha! Three with one arrow! Who's your mama? That's right, I am!"

Natasha looks at Phil and rolls her eyes. She's waiting for Banner to come up with something to neutralize the acid. Thor and Iron Man are flying over the seamonster, alternating between trying to talk to it and chasing it further away from the harbour. Fury had taken one look at the scene, scowled, and stomped off, muttering something about going back to sleep and to only wake him if there was an alien invasion. “Where the aliens have guns and actual bad intentions!”

"Don't 'who's your mama' on comms," Phil says. She probably sounds far too indulgent, but it's not a secret that Phil likes a little snark now and then.

"Who's saving the people of New York from acidic doom? Oh yes," Barton says, and lets go of four arrows in rapid succession. "That would be me!"

"Hey, hey," Stark protests. "Me and Thor here are performing an important, nay, essential--"

"Eh. Nerf herders," Barton says dismissively. She meets Phil's eyes and winks.

Phil shakes her head. "You all belong in kindergarten. Please consider having some professionality."

Stark mutters something that sounds like "I'll professional you-" and then gets cut off by an outraged "Iron Man!" from Rogers, who is always unfailingly polite. 

Barton is convinced Rogers has a crush on Phil. Phil doesn't think so, which does wonders for her peace of mind. She's certain dealing with Captain America crushing on her would be... awkward at best. She's happier not even contemplating it. That doesn't stop Barton from doing a nudge, nudge, wink, wink routine every time the team goes out drinking, however.

"Does that make you our supernanny?" Barton wants to know.

"Yes. And I'm not getting paid nearly enough," Phil deadpans back.

"You get paid?" Natasha even manages the slight surprise in her voice. "Now I'm hurt. I was sure you did it for love." She moves her hand up to her ear suddenly. "Wait. Okay, Banner has something. I'm going down to see what it is."

And then she jumps off the bow of the ship they're standing on, because she's Natasha and she does that.

Phil looks over at Barton, who's still shooting arrows at bubbles. "Are we sure she's human?"

Barton fires off another arrow, then turns to shrug.

Phil shrugs back, and then she spins around real fast as Thor’s encouraging shouts penetrate.

“Perhaps you can breathe more in that direction, mighty seamonster!” Thor shouts. “I am certain you offer a true challenge to our hawk-eyed archer! I’m only making suggestions! I’m not in any way telling you how to handle your opponent!”

“Thor!” Phil yells, and tries to ignore the delighted laughter coming from Barton as she is, indeed, challenged by the new trajectories.

“Son of Coul?”

Phil is still not entirely convinced Thor understands that she’s actually a woman. That’s not important right now. “Kindly refrain from giving it tactical advice.”

“I’m only trying to make it a fair fight,” Thor says, sounding wounded.

“We don’t want it to be a fair fight!” Phil manages not to facepalm only because she’s Phillipa Coulson, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D, and Phillipa Coulson does not facepalm in the field. “We want it to not fight at all, and swim off to sea. If you’d be so kind as to convey this to your new friend, I’d appreciate it.”

It turns out that Banner does have the solution to making the acid harmless, and once Thor also manages to explain to the seamonster that they’d just like for it to go further away from land (and stay there), it’s all over but for the clean up. Phil, thankfully, no longer has to deal with the clean up, so she takes Barton shopping instead.

Well, that’s a lie.

It’s more that Barton has nothing better to do, so she tags along when Phil goes grocery shopping. Phil had checked before leaving her flat that morning, and right now her fridge had a lemon, half a bottle of ketchup, ancient Chinese take-away and strawberry jam. She needs to at least pick up some milk.

Barton tries to make her buy four different kinds of sugary cereal. Phil resigns herself to one. Barton’s puppy dog eyes are surely some kind of lethal weapon. “Buy them for yourself if you like them so much.”

“I do, I just think you need some more things that aren’t good for you in your life,” Barton says, and then considers what she’s said. “I mean, unhealthy... No, fun! Just because.”

“I have plenty of fun in my life,” Phil protests.

Barton looks sceptical. “Sure.”

Phil sighs. “All right, you can find me some ice cream too.”

Barton whoops and runs off right away, probably so Phil can’t change her mind. She comes back with six tubs, but Phil decides it’s just not worth arguing about. Barton sneers at the contents of Phil’s shopping cart. Apparently her cheese and crackers selection is not up to Barton’s standards. Phil doesn’t care.

She ends up buying much more food than intended, and doesn’t protest too hard when Barton decides to follow her home.


End file.
